traditions

This is one of those nights where I'm not quite sure what I want to write about.
Maybe it's a good night for the tradition of the month.
Tradition 10 states: The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
Excellent!

Nah, I think I'll do my favorite tradition instead, tradition 3.
It states: The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.

It's really the second half that I want to focus on, one that I love talking about in meetings. I have a very old habit (character defect?) of finding ways that I can identify out of groups. I'll find some little difference and say that because of that little difference, I don't/can't belong. But I can't do that in Al-Anon. Tradition 3 clearly tells me that the only thing that required of me is that I be bothered by someone else's drinking. This too can be challenging for me, especially right now while I don't actually have a person in my life whose drinking per se bothers me. But there have been people in the past whose drinking has deeply affected me and I'm sure I'll face people in the future too whose drinking will have an effect on me.

This tradition, like step 1, is a great reminder to me of how I got to this program and why I need to keep coming back. While The Ex that got me into the program is now an ex, I'm sure some of the character defects I perfected while dating him are still with me. But to go back further, I learned many of those character defects in my family of origin. It was there that I learned my broken mantra of "I'm not enough." It was there that I learned to keep my opinion to myself, because children don't have opinions, right? The list could go on, but really it is this deeply ingrained effect that alcoholism has had on me that shows me how much I desperately need this program. NO ONE can tell me I don't belong in the rooms of Al-Anon because I don't daily face the actual drinking of someone else. If anything, I identify as a grandchild of an alcoholic, as neither of my parents drank much, and their behavior wasn't all that different whether they did or they didn't. Even this though, doesn't really speak to this tradition. It is MY choice as to whether I belong in this program. It is I who gets to decide if someone else's drinking has had an effect on my life. I find a great deal of comfort in this. No one else gets to tell me whether I belong or not. Only me.

I knew I needed help long before The Ex and his alcoholism came along, but I never really understood what the problem was and wasn't sure what kind of help to seek. Today I'm thankful that The Ex found recovery because it gave me an easy way to find Al-Anon. So many people tell me how fortunate I am to have found Al-Anon so young, and I'm sure one day I'll truly realize what they mean. But for right now, I can put my age aside as I sit in a room, often filled with women my mother's age, and know that I too belong there.