I struggled this month with coming up with a topic. And it wasn't until literally just a few minutes ago that something came to me. Faith.
I'm a bit stressed right now. I move on Saturday from my current abode (renting a bedroom in a house) to a new place (a two bedroom apartment). Moving in and of itself can be a bit stressful. Add in my character defects, and it adds an entirely new layer of stress. Will enough people show up to help me? Will we get everything moved as quickly as I think we can? Will people hate me after this? Am I asking too much of them?
Then there's the whole issue of paying rent. It's a two bedroom and has a two bedroom rent to go along with it. And I don't have anyone to share it with. Yet. I know I'll find someone because the place is in a desirable neighborhood and is relatively well maintained. And I'm awesome. But I'm still stressed that I won't find someone. And more importantly, that I won't find someone with whom I actually want to live with. I've already had two people answer my craigslist ad, but I'm not too sure of them. My gut tells me no.
So how this connects to faith. As I stood melting butter to add onto my freshly popped popcorn I realized that my higher power has always taken care of my living situation. Why wouldn't she take care of this one? It's hard for me to have faith in something like this, because as we all know, in an alcoholic home, just because something has been one way for a long time doesn't mean it will stay that way. So I'm trying to remember that my Higher Power has taken care of me before, and she'll take care of me again. I'm doing what I can, and leaving what isn't in my control alone. I'm trying to have faith in my Higher Power.
This also shows growth in two areas for me. I have a hard time asking for help. Not with things I know I can't handle, that I'm ok asking for help with. But this move is something that I know if I had to, I could do by myself. And that makes it harder for me to ask for help. I know I don't have to do this alone, nor should I. So I emailed friends and a few have said they'll help me.
The other area of growth is realizing that my Higher Power has indeed taken care of certain things for me. While I've had some interesting living situations, none have been horrible. Living with 7 other people in a house was interesting, and I'm no longer friends with 4 of them, but I'm not irreparably harmed from it. The month I lived with someone I knew from AA was definitely interesting. But it taught me a lot about myself. Especially that I am good at getting myself out of situations that I know aren't good for me. I could also talk about the last place I lived before moving here. I ended up being there for 2 and 1/2 years, which is the longest I've lived anywhere since moving out of my parents place. It of course wasn't perfect, but was awesome enough that I stayed as long as I did. And my Higher Power led me into each and everyone of those situations (and many more) and took care of me too. It's hard to remember sometimes that I don't do this all on my own.
And there you have it. A bit about where my faith comes from and how I'm trying to keep it in practice. Happy June!
