Let It Begin With Me

I led a workshop last week on Live and Let Live and presented the idea that you can use Let It Begin with Live and Let Live. But I don't feel I was really able to flesh the idea out until today.
So here it is.
Sometimes we realize when other people aren't letting us live. We can feel them trying to control our lives, and if you're like me, you resist and get very resentful. However, we often (ok, I often) attempt to do this to other people, especially if they've tried to do it to me. In this case, I can let it begin with me. I can let them live their life the way they see fit.
In the same vane, no one can live my life for me. I have to let it begin with me. Only I can live my life.

I can feel excluded very easily. If two of my friends are hanging out together and I'm not invited, I start wondering what it is about me that they don't like. If two coworkers go and do something together, I wonder if they don't like me. I'm not quite sure where this comes from, or why it bothers me so much, but it does and has for quite some time. While I understand that the world doesn't revolve around me, I'm always wondering why I'm not included in things.
I'm an introvert. Who does a very good job of discluding myself from many things. I'm always busy. I never feel good. Why would anyone want to hang out with me? I have nothing to offer.
Add in not feeling well today, probably PMSing a bit, and just general malaise, and I'm sure we all can see where I'm coming from. A very illogical place.
I have friends. I know that.
I have friends who love me. I know that too.
But somewhere in here, my brain just doesn't connect the two. Especially sitting home on a Saturday night.
Even if I am feeling crummy and probably should stay home and go to bed early (even though I took a 4 hour nap today).

Living

Life has not been the same since Sarah's death. I suppose that is normal, as at least it shows I'm human. But I don't mean this as in my life has a new outlook and I look at things different. Life is just ... different.

I've been asked to lead a workshop this Saturday at our Spring Workshop. When the person who asked me called, at first she mentioned two topics, and when I asked her which she wanted me to do, I was hoping she would say one, because I know it's something I need to work on. But she chose the other, the slogan "Live and Let Live." Up until a few moments ago, I had no idea what I would really have to offer on this slogan. The reason why I need to lead this workshop isn't because I'm some expert on Live and Let Live. Rather, I'm an unexpert. I've been wallowing so much since Sarah's death that I've had problems remembering what it means to live. I don't feel I've ever been very good at it. It just feels like something I've never learned. I sure do know how to hunker down and ride out a storm though! Or rather, hang on for dear life.