This isn't going to be one of my usual themed posts. I have no theme in my head right now. I'm still recovering brain and sleepwise from a VERY busy weekend that will be partially repeated again in two weeks. I'm exhausted, but I'm so glad I did what I did. I had a blast stepping outside of my comfort zones in some ways, but also realizing that I still have a lot of work to do in other areas.
One area that I see improvement in is my ability to socialize with friends. I feel like I've been making good strides towards being more wholly myself. I find I can relax enough to have fun but still be mindful of my boundaries without fearing that I have to abandon my boundaries. Or that I have to be someone I'm not.
One area that I'd love to see more improvement is in my handling of the opposite gender. I know that my issues stem from many things. We could talk about the attitude I was taught about men when I was a child. We could talk also about things that happened to me during my childhood that involved men. Then there are my experiences of my adulthood. I know that each and every one of those make me me, but they also make me me. Unsure. Shy. Very self critical. Alcoholism has pervasive effects.
Last night I had the brilliant idea in the shower (a location that often leads me to many brilliant ideas) that I could do a fourth step around my past dating life. But I still don't have a local sponsor, and I'm not sure I want to open this can of worms without someone local that I can sit down and chat with. I still might start it and just start with the idea of sharing it with my Higher Power and myself first and worry about the 'another human being' part of step 5 at a later date.
I guess I did have something of a theme.
2.03.2009
anonymity?
Two of our 12 traditions address anonymity:
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
I have no desire to go on TV for ANYTHING, nor am I known to write things in the press, so for me, those things are never really at the front of my mind. And really, from my understanding, these traditions have more to do with no one individual being a face for Al-Anon. I have zero desire to be the face of anything other than myself.
I hold my personal anonymity very close. No one in my family knows I'm in Al-Anon. None of my new friends do either. Many of my older friends do, but thats also because I met many of them in Al-Anon. A few have learned about it over the years because I've found it appropriate to tell them in a certain context. But generally, it isn't something I talk about, even with people outside the program who know about it.
These days I find myself wanting to tell a few people about my membership in this program because I think it would give them a better picture of how I am. These are people who have expressed wanting to get to know me better, but I struggle with how much is enough, and what is too much. I hesitate. I think I can trust these people. But as my picker has shown evidence of being broken in the past, I can never be too sure how good of a job I'm doing now. I guess my higher power will lead me in the right direction and let me know when I need to tell others. Until then, I guess too much anonymity is better than none!
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
I have no desire to go on TV for ANYTHING, nor am I known to write things in the press, so for me, those things are never really at the front of my mind. And really, from my understanding, these traditions have more to do with no one individual being a face for Al-Anon. I have zero desire to be the face of anything other than myself.
I hold my personal anonymity very close. No one in my family knows I'm in Al-Anon. None of my new friends do either. Many of my older friends do, but thats also because I met many of them in Al-Anon. A few have learned about it over the years because I've found it appropriate to tell them in a certain context. But generally, it isn't something I talk about, even with people outside the program who know about it.
These days I find myself wanting to tell a few people about my membership in this program because I think it would give them a better picture of how I am. These are people who have expressed wanting to get to know me better, but I struggle with how much is enough, and what is too much. I hesitate. I think I can trust these people. But as my picker has shown evidence of being broken in the past, I can never be too sure how good of a job I'm doing now. I guess my higher power will lead me in the right direction and let me know when I need to tell others. Until then, I guess too much anonymity is better than none!
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