This isn't going to be one of my usual themed posts. I have no theme in my head right now. I'm still recovering brain and sleepwise from a VERY busy weekend that will be partially repeated again in two weeks. I'm exhausted, but I'm so glad I did what I did. I had a blast stepping outside of my comfort zones in some ways, but also realizing that I still have a lot of work to do in other areas.
One area that I see improvement in is my ability to socialize with friends. I feel like I've been making good strides towards being more wholly myself. I find I can relax enough to have fun but still be mindful of my boundaries without fearing that I have to abandon my boundaries. Or that I have to be someone I'm not.
One area that I'd love to see more improvement is in my handling of the opposite gender. I know that my issues stem from many things. We could talk about the attitude I was taught about men when I was a child. We could talk also about things that happened to me during my childhood that involved men. Then there are my experiences of my adulthood. I know that each and every one of those make me me, but they also make me me. Unsure. Shy. Very self critical. Alcoholism has pervasive effects.
Last night I had the brilliant idea in the shower (a location that often leads me to many brilliant ideas) that I could do a fourth step around my past dating life. But I still don't have a local sponsor, and I'm not sure I want to open this can of worms without someone local that I can sit down and chat with. I still might start it and just start with the idea of sharing it with my Higher Power and myself first and worry about the 'another human being' part of step 5 at a later date.
I guess I did have something of a theme.
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