checking in

Today has just been one of those days. For a variety of reasons, I've been in my pjs since about 6pm. I didn't get nearly as many of my priorities done this weekend as would have been good for me. Particularly I didn't make it to a meeting, though I promised myself last night that I would. I even picked out two meetings that I should have been able to make it to. But the powers that be kept me away. Namely myself.
It's hard when I get into this kind of mental space. I know whats good for me, but it's very hard for me to get myself to do those things. I even made a valiant effort today. I started my day off with doing the reading from "Hope For Today". I even did some exercise this morning. I got myself going when I could figuring that if I did it would do me better than sitting at home wallowing. But it didn't. I still feel crappy. I still feel like isolating. I still don't want tomorrow to be Monday and I certainly am not in the mood to be on good behavior tomorrow.
I miss my old program friends in my last city. I wish I could have some here magically who I didn't need to reexplain everything to.

I'm probably one of those people who could use 'outside help' in Al-Anon. Al-Anon has even given me the strength to attempt to get that outside help, but it's never helped. And each non-success makes me more leery of trying again. Sounds a lot like my recovery. I have little faith that others can help me. I am terminally unique.

So it goes.