Grief

Grief is something I've struggled with a lot this year. Tuesday is the first anniversary of Sarah's death. It still feels like last week, answering the phone call from Dave to hear the news. And calling Megan to make sure she knew, and Dan calling me to make sure I knew.

I think the hardest part of grief for me as a process is that there is no instruction booklet. People can suggest to me what has worked for them. I can read books and websites about what works for many people. I can read about research on grief. But there are no guarantees. No one can tell me with 100% certainty what will work for me. This past year it has meant spending quite a bit of time by myself, mostly at home. It has produced a lot of tears and the headaches to go along with them. I haven't read much. I haven't seen many movies. I haven't gone too many places. I've hung out with friends less. I've spent more time with Rascal.

Just for Today, I am tired of living this way. I want to move forward, but I don't know how.