Back in the game

Feeling a little bit giddy and excited right now.
You know when you go to a meeting and you leave feeling exhausted and drained, like you need another meeting to recover from the meeting?
Tonight was *not* one of those nights. The meeting I went to was fabulous. Not in the sense that anything earth shattering was discussed. But more that it was well attended. There were a number of people that it was evident had some serious recovery going on. There were old people and younger people. There was laughter. There was a short group conscious. In essence, it was everything a good meeting is. Recovery.

We talked about fear and false evidence appearing real. And for the first time since I first heard that phrase, I actually understood it in it's entirety. I create scenarios in my head. Generally that's where they stay. Or I think someone is behaving a certain way, but really that's in my head too. And I start to think all this false evidence is real, and then I start to act on it.
I did that hard core last night and it wasn't pretty, for me or the person on the receiving end. But I realized somewhere in the coarse of what was happening last night that I was being irrational and overreacting. So while that stopped it from getting worse, damage was already done. I was already very upset and the other person was likely left wondering what in the hell happened. I'm still not sure I can really explain it to him in a way he would understand, but I at least know what happened.
So, lessons learned: Don't spend all day cleaning out and archiving old blog entries. Especially the ones dealing with exes and depression. It leads to bad thoughts.
When I get frustrated with someone else's behavior, step back and try to make that clear.
Try to learn new ways to explain how my head works and why some things bother me that might not seem important but are to me.

I already can't wait for next Sunday at 7pm.