boys - a fourth step

I've had this idea for a while, but now I think I might be ready to follow through on it. I've already done an over arching fourth step. But as we all know, you're never really done. That whole damn onion layers thing.
My next onion layer is boys.
A survey and inventory of not only what I think has happened, but my part in it.
I view this as serving two purposes, as most fourth steps probably do. I not only want to uncover my part in things, but also what has not been my part. I want to know what I've done right. I want to know I'm not as broken as I always feel. I want a reminder that I am desirable. That there will be others.
Some might say I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. But really, I could care less. This is what feels right to me right now and has for quite some time. It's time I listen to that quiet inner voice that gives me these weird ideas.

The other concern of course is that I currently have no sponsor. But honestly, all step four says is that I take the inventory. And two thirds of step five is sharing it with my Higher Power and myself. I can worry about the no sponsor thing later. There is no quiet voice on that issue. In fact, there is no voice at all on it. I'm ok with that right now. I am however not ok with the boy issues. That one has been making me quite miserable for quite a while.