I fear my recovery is DOA. I have nothing pushing me forward. Currently no personalities regularly pushing my buttons. I'm doing well enough to coast. But not getting better.
I feel that I've been stuck in this position for a long time now. I'm still finding the local meeting schedule very hard to adjust to. And many of the meetings I do make it to leave me uninspired and annoyed (particularly at people who break their anonymity).
Yet, I know, simply even by posting this here, that I'm still looking for my answers in many of the wrong places (step 4 reminds me that I do have good traits and that I occasionally go looking in the right places). I look to other people often for my answers, not making enough time to actively seek the inner quiet voice that guides my life.
All this isn't to say though that I "want" something that will push me forward. God knows that the things that have unfortunately always pushed me forward were times of great hurt and sorrow. I really don't want more of that right now. I feel like my head is finally fully above water from Sarah's death.
But at the same time, I do actually want something that will give me the motivation to keep working my program. To keep making the changes in my life to help myself get healthier.
Maybe this time it could be something happy?
1 comment:
When I feel stuck (which has been for quite some time now) - I read March 17 in Courage to Change. It has been my single biggest recovery tool (not that I don't use lots of tools - but that page in particular...)
The death of loved ones takes a long time to get over. And you know I am speaking from my own ESH.
xo
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